Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Pop Culture
by UpToNoGood42
Summary: After killing Hermione's boyfriend, Harry Potter and the gang make a rock band.


_Do de do do de da da. Do de da do do do da._

Harry Potter was very excited. He was finally heading back to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. This would be year 2.5 and the best one yet. As he walk onto platform 9 ¾ he saw someone. "Ron, it's so good to see you. Where's Hermione?"

"She's in the train with her new boyfriend, Tom Marvolo Riddle," Ron answered

"Ron, do you have any idea who he really is?" Harry asked.

"No."

"Didn't you read the books?"

"No."

"He's Voldemort you idiot!" Harry yelled.

"Why are you yelling? Is it puberty or are you just depressed? I bet you need a hug. Hugs make everything better." Ron hugged Harry. "Hugging!"

"Get off of me Ron," Harry said as he pushed Ron away. "Just get on the train."

Harry and Ron got on the train and walked to the cabin where Hermione was sitting with Tom. "Avada Kedavra you bastard," Harry said as he blasted Tom with the killing curse.

Ron stared in awe. "Harry, you just killed Tom, didn't you?"

"Yes Ron. And for the last time, he was Voldemort!" Harry shouted.

"What the heck's wrong with you Harry?" Hermione nagged.

"We think it is puberty, but who really knows?" Ron whispered.

Hermione raised her voice. "I mean, why did you kill my boyfriend.

"HE WAS VOLDEMORT!" Harry yelled at the top of his voice.

"No, he was my boyfriend. See, look in cabin 26. See that's Voldemort.

Voldemort waved at Harry, Ron, and Hermione. "I can't wait for poker night on Tuesday."

"Oh," Harry said. He pushed Tom's lifeless body under the seat with his foot. "I have an idea. Let's make a rock band."

"Why would we do that?" Hermione asked.

"I don't know. I just have this thing for stringed instruments. In his mind, Harry pictured string cheese. "So it's settled, practice in the owlery tomorrow.

Harry walked up the long staircase to the owlery. He was surprised to see that Hermione and Ron where already up there. Hermione had a flute and Ron had a log. "This isn't going to work. When I said "band," I meant a rock band," Harry complained.

Ron answered, "Well that's okay there are some rocks over there."

"No Ron," Harry said. "I meant rock'n'roll."

"Then we push the rocks down a hill. Presto, rolling rocks," Ron said.

"No, no, no. You know, Bon Jovi, U2, AC/DC." Harry said.

Ron was confused. "Bob drove you to a city?"

"No Ron," Hermione said. "According to my pocket dictionary, a rock band is a group of musicians that plays music that is marked by a heavily accented beat and a simple, repetitive phrase structure."

"Huh?" Ron and Harry asked.

"Ugh, boys," Hermione sighed.

"Here, I brought two guitars, one for me one for Ron."

"Hello, what about me? I want an instrument," Hermione complained.

"Hold your thestrals, Hermione. Hedwig's flying here with your drum set," Harry pointed out.

Hedwig became tired and, while holding the drum set, crashed through the owlery wall. The tower began to shake and bricks began to fall down. Then, the whole tower collapsed.

Harry emerged from the rubble followed by Ron and Hermione. "Maybe we should find a different place to practice."

"Finally, the perfect place to practice," Harry exclaimed. "The Potions classroom."

Snape countered, "I never said you could practice in here."

Harry began to practice, "1, 2, 3, 4…"

It is now Christmas time at Hogwarts and Harry had some good news for his band. "Guess what. I scored us a place in the Battle of the Magical Bands. All we need to do is come up with a name for our band."

Hermione thought for a while, "I've got nothing. Maybe we should go ask Dumbledore."

The gang walked through the halls of Hogwarts until they arrived at Dumbledore's office. Hermione knocked and Dumbledore answered.

"We need your help Professor Dumbledore," Hermione said. "We need help finding a name for our band."

"Only one name comes to mind… Sybill Trelawney," said Dumbledore.

"You want us to name our band after Professor Trelawney?" Harry asked.

"No, go see her. If anyone can name your band, Sybill can," Dumbledore told the gang.

Once again the gang made their way through the halls, to the tower, and into the Divination classroom. There, Harry, Ron, and Hermione caught Professor Trelawney in a trance.

"Ka lacka khe hehua kre luak," Sybill said before she spit something out.

"Is she speaking Latin Hermione?" Ron asked.

Sybill came out of the trance. "No, actually I was choking. You can't eat those Doritos too quickly. So, what can I do for you?"

"Dumbledore said you could help us find a name for our band," Harry announced.

"Yes, I got something not to long ago. At 2:36 this morning, I woke up to see that my crystal ball was glowing uncontrollably. I gazed into it and saw a phrase. It was… The Muggles."

"That's an awesome name. Thanks professor. Bye," Harry said.

The night had come. It was the night of the Battle of the Magical Bands. A schedule was posted with the bands that were participating on it:

_First- Raging Wands_

_Second- Boggart Slayers_

_Third- Accio Rock_

_Forth- The Muggles_

First the Raging Wands played and they outright sucked. Next up, the Boggart Slayers. They completely rocked out. Then Accio Rock played and they were good, but not as good as the Boggart Slayers.

"I think we already know who the winning band is, but the rules say that all bands have to participate. So, put your hands and/or paws together for… The Muggles!" the announcer shouted.

The Muggles, being Harry, Ron, and Hermione, came out and played a pimped out remix of the Harry Potter Theme Song.

"O.M.G.," the announcer said. "Was that the best performance of the night or what?"

Harry, Ron, and Hermione claimed their trophy and went back to Hogwarts for the night.

In the end, Harry's musical dream came true, Hermione got to accept a trophy, and Ron learned the meaning of rock'n'roll. Not a bad accomplishment for year 2.5.

Keep an eye out for book 2- Harry Potter and the Goblet of Wealth.


End file.
